Friday, April 10, 2009

Deep Breath

Last night I began to feel sad. I can't deny it. I did. Ever had those nights? I sat in our family room while my hubby was upstairs in bed and I began to think...and think....and think...and was trying to figure out what was missing....what was wrong...why did I feel this way?

I began thinking about all the blessings in my life - my husband, step-son, parents, siblings and their spouses, nephew, grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and even strangers. I thought about how blessed we are to be living in the house we live in, have clothes, food, and plenty of everything else. We have jobs that pay the bills and we live in a country where we are free!

And then I took a deep breath...I sighed...and tears began to flow and I knew what it was. On my way home from work last night, I had called and spoke with my dad and then I had called and spoke with my sister....Muscleman arrived home and we chatted over see...I can talk with with them all as much as I want...and it just isn't the same. Please understand...I love them all and know that they try and listen...but it's not her. I was scared for a moment and felt like I had forgot......forgot her voice...her touch...her hugs...her notes....that was it...."deep breath"....I miss my Grandma B...she was always so excited to talk and visit and everything I said was so important and sometimes I felt like she had some secret notepad as she would remember everything I said.....days...weeks...months even years later.

I quickly began to try and remember everything about her I could....and I mean EVERYTHING! I ran to one of her pictures just to catch a glimpse of her smiling face....I ran upstairs to my craft room and stared at the keepsake box I made of all her things....was I ready to open it and read? I just couldn't do it....instead...I picked up a book by Barbara Johnson..."Laughter from Heaven"...I began reading....I began smiling....I even giggled....if you have a chance to read will definitely lighten the mood! And it's light reading!! It's all about what is awaiting us in heaven. And I am sure there is laughter going on up there!

I put the book down after two chapters....and I sat in "Y"'s room....and I began thinking some more...You see...I miss both of my Grandmas B and K and my Grandpa K....I miss them dearly....but what is so comforting to know...and be reminded of is that I will see them all again and I hope and pray they are all standing at heavens gates one day ready to welcome me home.

Where am I going with all this you might ask?

Easter is this Sunday....and if you are a and I celebrate on Sunday...the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross for us..... we are each individually given the opportunity to accept his gift and be forgiven for all of our mistakes in the past, present and future and we will be there to greet our loved ones in heaven and laugh with them again....without this gift....I am not sure what we would have to look forward to.

Life is not easy...and there will be more days where I miss my Grandma's B and K and all those loved ones that have passed on ahead of's a given. But when I have moments like that...I am reminded that one day I will be with them again and for that I am ever so thankful!

God is an everlasting God that loves us all and it is our decision to make whether we choose to accept his love or not. It is a love that goes on and on forever. When I have more moments like last night...I will continue to turn to him and talk with him about what is on my mind...he is always there to listen and comfort me. His love for me is far greater than all of my grandparents love put together. How amazing is that?

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